Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
