It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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