sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
