i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
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Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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