Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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