Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
