do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
