Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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