Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
