A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
