I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
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You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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