He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize