You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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