Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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