I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
