I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
