I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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