I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dick very happy bro
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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