I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
