If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The air was thick with penises
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
