i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
