Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
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I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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