If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
