You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
