shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Pants are for mortals
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
