she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
