I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
