i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
