Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
