Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
