and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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