I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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