a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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