I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
