i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
