I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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