Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
