he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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