Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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