WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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