One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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