He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
