I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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