U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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