Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
