I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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