i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
