why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is it because I queefed?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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