if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
