you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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