she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
