Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
