didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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