i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize