Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
