i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
