is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
