Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
