He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
