I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
