I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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