but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
