We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Randomize
