and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
