i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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