if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Even my vagina gasped.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
