I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pants are for mortals
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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