The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
