When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
