My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
