How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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