i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
