just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
