She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
