So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
