Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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